When you have to be the brave adult

This past Tuesday I received a call from the hospital, informing me Gabrielle had been scheduled for surgery (tonsillectomy) on Tuesday 17th January!  It is long overdue and is going to be of immense benefit to her…

… but god I am scared.

DON’T TELL HER!

I know she is looking to me for reassurance that everything is going to be fine.  I know it will be, but that doesn’t mean I’m not needing the same reassurance for myself!  Of course Lauriel has given me all the support I need, but it doesn’t stop my brain doing its old tricks.

While Gaby was reading up about the procedure and was freaking out about the different complications that can arise, I had to reassure her that those problems are rare, whilst at the same time, freaking the hell out myself, at the thought of my baby needing a blood transfusion, or another surgery to stop bleeding, or having a reaction to the anaesthetic…

All I can say is that I’m so bloody lucky to have my wife here to support me, and reassure me… because being the so called ‘strong’ adult is hard.

So.  Freaking.  Hard.

Making it worse is the fact NZ junior doctors are going on strike for 72 hours, beginning on Tuesday.  Surgery day.  The media has made mention of surgeries being postponed, so right now I have no idea if Gab’s surgery will even go ahead, or if it will be postponed.  I hear from the hospital tomorrow about what time we need to be in on Tuesday morning, so I guess either way I’ll know tomorrow.