The tale of the broken arm


Remember how I posted about Gabrielle having her tonsils out?  I am sure I probably said something along the lines of ‘hopefully it is our last visit to hospital for quite some time’.  If I did indeed say that, I fucking jinxed myself, didn’t I.

1.02pm, Friday 10 February.  Phone rings.  I see it’s school.  Briefly I think it’s Gabrielle’s throats, then I remember the whole having her tonsils out thing.  Crap.  I knew in my gut it wasn’t a case of ‘It’s blah blah here, blah blah is sick, could you please come and pick him/her up?’.  Nope.

a little bit of size difference...

a little bit of size difference…

“Hi, Emma, it’s Diane here from DHS.  Gabrielle has had a bit of an accident and hurt her arm, I think she needs to go up to hospital.”

As expected.  For a couple of weeks before that I just knew one of my children would have a broken arm.  I just knew it.  I really do believe I have psychic abilities, and this was another case of knowing what would happen before it did.

I freak out.  We drive up to school.  I go into the office, see my baby and start crying.  She has a sling, she is upset.  I don’t want to touch her in case I break her.  More.

The vice principal told me Gab had been doing gymnastics (there is a shock) (not), and had lost balance somewhere along the line.  Boom.  Goodbye arm.

Almost at the car, Gab informs us ‘her arm didn’t look right so she popped it back into place’.

It was then I knew this was going to be more than a simple broken arm…

and I was right.

She had a supracondylar fracture, basically she broke the elbow end of her humerus.  And it wasn’t very humourous.  I know.  In poor taste.

the fracture

the fracture

After the ortho registrar looked at the xray it was decided she would need surgery to properly align the bone, and that she’d need wires put in.  Gabrielle was understandably scared at the prospect of surgery, and asked numerous times if they could ‘just leave it’, but no.  That wasn’t an option.

Originally she was put on the list for surgery that night, but there was an emergency and she was bumped to the top of the list the following morning.

We were told she’d be taken in around 9am, but it wasn’t until 1pm we were taken to the surgical area, and then 2pm before she was actually put under.

there were silly moments too...

there were silly moments too…

When the surgeon tells a mama with anxiety ‘it will be around half an hour, an hour at the very most’, it isn’t a good look for the surgery to take just over two hours!  I was quite calm and collected for the first half hour.  After 45 mintues I was getting impatient.  After an hour I was getting really impatient.  90 minutes and I was deciding how I’d break the news to my family that something terrible had happened in surgery.  Finally, after around 1hr 45min, the recovery nurse came into the area we were waiting in to get something, and after us asking, let us know the surgery was going fine and she’d be out soon.

A bit over two hours after watching my baby be put under, for the second time in three weeks, we were taken to recovery.  It was a sight I wasn’t necessarily prepared for this time.  She was so groggy… and then there was the huge cast which went 3/4 of the way to her shoulder.  Seeing the cast was what made me break down for the first time.  Something about the cast made it seem real.  Yeap.  Over 24 hours in hospital and it was finally hitting home.

all fixed, complete with 3 wires

all fixed, complete with 3 wires

Okay.  She was pretty funny as she came to this time.  Poor thing was convinced it was her leg that had been operated on, the following conversation sent me into hysterics… just seconds after being hysterical:

“Did I have surgery?”
“Yes hun”
“Was it my tonsils again?”
“No baby, you broke your arm, remember?”
“No, I broke my leg”
“No, you broke your arm, look down”
She then looked down and her eyes were as big as saucers as she replied “Oh!”

It didn’t seem like long before we were back on the peds ward.  Unlike the night before Gabrielle slept for a majority of it, and so did I.  We both needed it, after running on around two hours sleep since waking on Friday morning!


I don’t think she found my doctor impression very funny…

Sunday afternoon we were finally allowed home… and had a pretty miserable couple of nights.  Monday she was back at school (she insisted, and it went against everything going on in my head to agree!), but night time was horrible.  She was tired, sore, and grumpy.  I was tired and grumpy.  Everyone was tired.  And grumpy.

Last week she had a new cast put on and I was able to see the incision.  This again was another heart in mouth moment.  It was a lot bigger than I expected and it took me a few seconds to compose myself and tell her it ‘wasn’t that bad’.

As of now, we’re waiting for an ortho appointment next Wednesday, and for her to be put under for the third time since January 17th, to have the three wires removed.  She is very frustrated at the lack of things she can do (her usual running, jumping, flipping)…  also upset that she is unable to attend gymnastics this term (she had one session this year before breaking her arm).  It’s going to be a relief to see her finally jumping all over the place and manipulating her body into positions that aren’t natural.


new cast!

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Tonsils be gone!

good-bye-tonsils-bookWell, Gabrielle is now tonsil free, and I’m glad to report we both survived the ordeal!  It was a long day, she didn’t go into surgery until 3.30pm, she was in recovery about 4.15pm and we eventually left the hospital at 6pm!

Seeing her going to sleep was – as a mum – one of the scariest moments of my life.  I had absolutely no control over what was going to happen, and all I could do was entrust her to the team in that operating suite.  Rationally I knew she’d get through perfectly fine, but between being taken from the room and being reunited with her in recovery, my brain went all sorts of places.

Mostly scary, dead places.

Her recovery has been pretty good, better than what I was expecting actually, but it was so hard knowing she was in so much pain.  All I could do was give her hugs and promise her she would feel better eventually, while pouring medication down her throat.

It was the one week mark that she began improving quickly, and she is no longer complaining about a sore throat, nor is she needing pain relief.  She’s back doing gymnastics in every spare moment she has, so I know she is feeling a lot better than she was a week ago!

Even better?  Now she can go back to school without the threat of missing days off school because of those pesky tonsils!

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When you have to be the brave adult

This past Tuesday I received a call from the hospital, informing me Gabrielle had been 8b514e668d0c3cc266690713d2023b09scheduled for surgery (tonsillectomy) on Tuesday 17th January!  It is long overdue and is going to be of immense benefit to her…

… but god I am scared.


I know she is looking to me for reassurance that everything is going to be fine.  I know it will be, but that doesn’t mean I’m not needing the same reassurance for myself!  Of course Lauriel has given me all the support I need, but it doesn’t stop my brain doing its old tricks.

While Gaby was reading up about the procedure and was freaking out about the different complications that can arise, I had to reassure her that those problems are rare, whilst at the same time, freaking the hell out myself, at the thought of my baby needing a blood transfusion, or another surgery to stop bleeding, or having a reaction to the anaesthetic…

All I can say is that I’m so bloody lucky to have my wife here to support me, and reassure me… because being the so called ‘strong’ adult is hard.

So.  Freaking.  Hard.

Making it worse is the fact NZ junior doctors are going on strike for 72 hours, beginning on Tuesday.  Surgery day.  The media has made mention of surgeries being postponed, so right now I have no idea if Gab’s surgery will even go ahead, or if it will be postponed.  I hear from the hospital tomorrow about what time we need to be in on Tuesday morning, so I guess either way I’ll know tomorrow.

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My sole resolution for 2017


Reading.  I am going to read.  Again.

Prior to starting my degree I would regularly read at night before going to sleep, and sometimes in the morning if I happened to be awake before I had to get up (let’s face it, this was usually the weekend).

In the past four years I’ve probably finished a total of 10 – maybe 15 – books.  I’m almost ashamed to write that, because I’ve always placed so much importance on reading!  I make sure my kids read, but when it comes to me?  As with most things it slipped by the wayside.

I sit here writing this on January 11th feeling almost smug, because I have already finished one book.  I’m 90% of the way through my second.  Not even two weeks into the year and I’ve read the same amount of books I read for the most part of 2016. Continue reading

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Something new

I’ve mentioned on my facebook page I’ve been writing something new and decided it was time to share a little bit of that story.

The topic of this one?  Pregnancy with an anxiety disorder… something I know well, and something I know many other women know well!  This story isn’t necessarily my own personal experience, but I would be lying if I said it wasn’t loosely based.

We’re heading out for a NYE BBQ so I won’t go into to much synopsis detail right now.

Enjoy, and I hope 2017 is a goodie for you!

anxiety be like...

anxiety be like…

The moment had arrived and Hayley felt sick. No, she felt more than sick; it was as if her stomach was curdled, like milk that had been left out in the hot summer sun for days on end. The thought alone added to the churning in her tummy and not for the first time she wished she didn’t have such an active, anxious brain.

Ah yes, her old friend anxiety. Friend wasn’t the correct term though, enemy was more apt. The nastiest, evilest enemy that could exist. Unlike an actual physical being however, this enemy couldn’t be cut out of her life. She couldn’t delete this enemy’s phone number or email address, this was an enemy who couldn’t be unfriended on Facebook, or ignored on the street.

Anxiety had been one of her closest – and most unwanted – companions for years, and no matter how hard she tried to cut off the bond they shared, nothing worked. She’d begrudgingly accepted anxiety would be in her life forever and hoped one day she’d at least find a way to mute it. Continue reading

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{Erotic fiction / R18} Who needs sleep anyway?

Merry Christmas! 

I haven’t posted a lot recently because life has been hectic and I just don’t seem to find the time.  I’ve written a decent amount, just haven’t gotten around to the actual sharing part.  Because it’s the silly season, I thought that rather than share a serious excerpt from my recent writing, I’d post some good ol’ sex… because who doesn’t like sex?


Alessandra lay perfectly still and held her breath. It was 3.23am and she’d awoken but the lack of cries coming through the baby monitor suggested for once she’d woken of her own accord. Another minute passed without the slightest sound from Sloane’s room and Alessandra deemed it safe to try and get back to sleep.

She rolled in toward Xavier and rested her hand on his belly, giggling quietly to herself when he let out a mumbled sigh of pleasure. Absentmindedly she began stroking her fingers back and forth along the trail of hair beneath his belly button, and found that rather than becoming sleepy, she only seemed to wake more. Continue reading

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The world is so loud!

As a kid I had a bunch of ear infections and probably should have had grommets/tubes put in when I was  Emersyn’s age, if not younger.  But I didn’t.  As a teen I would find my ears would get blocked during winter, but would eventually clear.  It was annoying, but because it always cleared up the doctor was never too worried about it, nor was I.

I can’t remember just how long it’s been, but I know that since I met Lauriel my ears have been constantly blocked, with no let up after a couple of months like there usually would be.  Three and a half years ago I went and had my hearing tested; while I did have mild hearing loss, the audiologist said I just had fluid in my eardrums and she sent a referral to the ENT clinic.

Nothing happened.  In fairness I didn’t follow up, partly because I kept forgetting, but also because I just knew they wouldn’t do anything about it.

Finally last week I had my hearing tested again, and this time the audiologist determined there is a problem with my eardrum – it has stiffened over time – and is now not working.  The treatment?

Hearing aids.

Yeap.  33.  Hearing aids.  I felt pretty weird about it.  On the one hand, yay for help with hearing, but on the other hand… hearing aids are for old people! (even though I know this isn’t actually the case).

This week I went in and had my hearing aids fitted, officially beginning my life as a person with hearing aids.  It was so crazy to walk into Bay Audiology with shitty hearing and to leave being able to hear the world.

Let me tell you, the world is LOUD.

Birds.  Birds are so loudy and chirpy and just… LOUD!
Shoes!  Did you know they make such a loud rhythmic sound as you walk?

Sitting here I can hear a jetboat on the river, I can hear a plane flying over, I can hear birds being squawky and loud, I can even hear the leaves rustling when there is a slightly bigger gust of wind.

The world is so loud and I am glad I finally get to hear it in all its glory.  I haven’t had to ask the kids to repeat themselves since Thursday morning, I haven’t had to ask Lauriel to repeat herself, I haven’t had to turn the television up.

I can hear stuff!

It does get a tiny bit overwhelming at times, mostly when I am outside and am being bombarded by so many sounds.  A couple of times I’ve taken my left hearing aid out (my worst ear) to stop it all, but then I find the lack of hearing even more annoying, so back in the aid goes.

If anyone is curious the hearing aids are really little and unless you physically look closely at my ear, I don’t think you could tell I’m wearing them.  It is kind of like wearing really little earbuds… that you push into your ear canal.


my bionic ears! Beside hairclip for perspective…


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